To Fear Love
by Pyrex013
Summary: yamato confesses his love to taichi, who rejects him. after finding happiness it begins to slip away from him. can he get to kno himself in time to help an old friend?
1. To Fear Love, Part One

~Yamato's POV~

"Hey, Tai?" I pulled at his arm. He turned to look at me, causing me to gulp. He smiled at me. "Can, can I talk to you? Alone?" I nodded towards Sora.

"Yeah, sure," he grinned at me. He turned back to Sora and pecked her cheek. "I'll be back soon."

"I don't get how you can like her," I muttered as we walked down the hall. The brunette chuckled and looked towards me.

"She's a bitch, but you never had her in your bed," I laughed with him, almost choking on the thought that he wasn't a virgin. He's seventeen, I thought. "But, I think I'll dump her when Mimi comes back from the states. Can't wait to see her."

He beamed from ear to ear and nudged me with his elbow. I tried to laugh but it came out as a choking sound. I smiled weakly.

"Hey what's wrong, Yama?" he looked down at me.

"Tai," I needed to get this out. I'd waited way to long and if I didn't say it now…I shuddered. "Tai, I have to tell you something."

"Ok…"

"It's important," I stared up at his deep brown eyes. I saw there in his eyes the love he had for me, as a friend. I felt as though my next sentence would destroy that trust and willingness to follow me. He nodded grimly. "Tai, I've been thinking, and I've realized that I love you."

He took a step back, stunned. I winced and looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stare at me closely.

"You what?" he closed his eyes and brought his hands to them in frustration. "You're joking, neh?"

I gulped and sadly shook my head. He turned and slammed his fist into the nearest locker. "Dammit Ishida. What am I supposed to say to that?"

I opened my mouth to speak and immediately shut it. Tai was walking towards me. I felt his hand grip the collar of my shirt and raise me into the air, pushing me against the wall. I was glad school was out for the day; no one could here him yelling.

"Yamato, do you expect me to say 'I love you' back? Hmm?" his voice pounded into my ear. "You're my best friend not my god damn lover. I am not gay or bi, you get that? I'm straight as a ruler and don't you forget it." I felt his hand swing across my face before he dropped me roughly to the floor.

He walked back down the hall. His anger was palpable as he turned back to me. I watched him spit in my direction. I flinched, but not from the physical pain, but from the wound he'd inflicted on my heart.

"Tai…" I slowly muttered as I felt the tears fall to the linoleum. "Tai. Oh God, what have I done?"

~§~§~§~§~

I opened the door to my apartment. I had just lost the person I cared for more than anything else. The thought kept running through my head, my life sucked. 

"Dad? Takeru?" I shouted throughout the silent rooms. "Anyone home?"

No answer. I smiled and headed into the kitchen. I searched for it. How hard could it be to find a large butcher knife? I wanted to end it all, right now. I didn't care about anything else. Only this mattered. 

I pulled open the drawers, leaving them open as I went. Maybe I should clean everything up before…just so my dad would have less to do. Ha! I thought about a swift clean death, just so Taichi could see my face through the casket. Maybe he'd even cry and feel terrible about what he'd done. 

I snarled as I found my dad's blades. No, I didn't deserve mercy. I pulled one out and inspected its sharpness. Yes, I thought, it'll do. I bared my teeth and lifted the knife closer to myself. I winced when the point prodded my stomach.

"Goodbye world," I whispered as I thrust it deep. Or at least I tried. I couldn't find the strength to do this one last task. 

"I wish I was Taichi," I thought aloud desperately. "_He _got the crest of courage."

I threw the knife back into the drawer and slammed it shut, causing it to bounce back to me. I yelled and hit it again. As it came towards me again, I screamed and lunged out at it. The contents spilled out onto the floor and I fell next to them, spilling the salty tears onto them. 

I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe that he'd treated me like that. I was his best friend. So what if I was…if I was gay? Couldn't we still be friends?

"No," I murmured. Tai was too popular to be friends with a gay wad. Even if that gay wad was I. I slowly stood up. I couldn't do that to him. I loved him, and because of that I couldn't show my face again to disgrace him. 

I swung open the bathroom door and stared into the mirror. I saw the helpless face of a lovesick young boy. Sad blue eyes stared back at me from behind blonde hair. I roared and smacked the mirror with my already bloody fist.

I turned around and slowly opened the medicine cabinet. Through my blurry vision I saw the small bottle of Advil. I grabbed it with the mauled hand and turned the top. Looking down at the many pills, I knew what I had to do. I opened my mouth and turned the bottle upside down into it. I struggled to swallow.

I stared back into the bottle. It was now empty. I grinned foolishly and started towards my own room. While opening the door, I realized my bed was moving away from me. I giggled drunkenly and raced to catch it. 

Then my world began to spin. I watched as the door started chasing the window, and it chasing the opposite wall. I felt my knees weaken and I fell to the floor. I stared up at the white ceiling. I couldn't get up.

I saw a blinding white light and all I thought was Heaven. I thought maybe it was when a brunette stepped towards me. He came back for me. I knew he would.

"Tai?" I called out. I smiled, hoping to hear the words I needed.

"Oh, Yamato. It's Hikari," I felt my heart sink. He hadn't come. I felt the world slipping from me. "What have you done?"

~§~§~§~§~

I felt myself rising on the ladder of consciousness. I started to hear the people around me. I didn't understand what they were saying quite yet. I felt the light hit my eyes and I slowly opened them. I grimaced at the terrible headache I had. 

I tried to sit up, but it only made the pain in my head worse. I glanced around the room. I showed my teeth. The damn room was too white.

"Where the hell am I?" I asked to no one in particular. 

"You're at the Odaiba County Hospital," I looked to my left. I blinked again, trying to clear my vision.

"Takeru?" I asked puzzled.

"You're lucky to be alive," I watched as he came to sit on the bed next to me.

"TK, maybe I don't want to be alive," I snapped. How could I admit to my little brother about what I was? I changed the subject. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days, almost," he looked down at my face. "Tai came to visit."

I turned away. "What'd he tell you?"

"He's scared," I glanced back at him, surprised. "Yes, Yama, he's scared."

"Of what?"

"Of what he did to make you like this. Of himself," he stared at the wall. "Yamato, we're all scared that we might lose you."

"Why? I'm just a sucker, and you know it."

"Yamato! Just because Taichi denied love for you doesn't mean we hate you!"

I gulped. What'd everyone think of me now? "Who else knows?" I asked softly.

"Dad, Mom, Hikari, and the band members," I winced. 

"Who told them?"

"I did," I felt relieved. I was glad Tai hadn't mentioned anything to the band. "You need your rest. I'll…I'll be back later." I watched as he walked to the door and out of the room. I sighed and closed my eyes.

~§~§~§~§~

"Now Yamato, this may not be the most ideal way to start your summer, but you need this," My dad told me sternly. I couldn't believe that he was making me go to some stupid shrink.

"Dad…" I growled at him, but followed him into the small building. I watched as he went up to the reception desk. I stayed close to him. I had to admit, I was nervous about this.

"Hello, sir. How may I help you?" The lady smiled. I gulped.

"Yes," My father looked quite nervous himself. "Er…I'm here for my son's appointment."

"Name?"

"Ishida Yamato," My dad replied. "He's here for the…the-"

"Yes, sir," She noticed how uncomfortable he was becoming. "Down the hall to your left."

He thanked her and we walked down the hall. I kept my eyes on the ground, not knowing what else to do. My dad turned to me just before we came to the door. He patted my shoulder and then headed back the way we'd come.

I turned the knob and pushed against the door. I looked at the room. I swallowed and took another step. There were about 4 other boys in the room, and they weren't paying any attention to me as I watched them talk to each other. I felt my hands start to sweat as I closed the door behind me. They looked up at the sudden noise.

I was going to say something when the door opened again and in came a woman. I felt sick when I realized she was the counselor. I didn't want to talk to her about my sexuality.

"You must be Yamato," she took my hand and cheerfully shook it. She had short reddish hair and blue eyes. I smiled weakly. "I'm Karen. Please take a seat."

I glanced at the boys and turned back to her. She had walked toward a chair and was setting a folder on the floor next to it. She sat down on the swivel chair and took a small notebook and pen out of her folder.

"Come on," I spun around to see one of the boys grab my arm and pull me over to the couch. "We don't bite…hard."

They all burst out laughing and I managed a smile. I sat down and the boy pulling my arm sat next to me. The other three sat on a different couch.

"Kamu," he looked up at the shrink, still grinning. She tried to be stern with him, but ended up smiling too. "Well, perhaps we should introduce ourselves to Yamato. Kamu, you first."

He turned to me. His hazel eyes smiled. My breath almost caught in my throat as I looked at his shaggy dark brown hair. His voice was a little lower than mine. "My name's Kamuran."

He reached out his hand and gently shook mine. I watched as he introduced me to the other guys. They all waved at me. I couldn't help but notice the way two of them held hands. They seemed so comfortable with each other. I looked down.

"Yamato," Karen said. I looked up. "Tell us about yourself."

I stared at their faces as they listened intently. "Well, I…I like to sing and play guitar."

"Do you play any sports?" Karen asked.

"No. Well, I used to play soccer," I muttered.

"Why'd you quit?"

"I don't like it," I choked out. I closed my eyes and cradled my head in my hands. I bit my lip, hoping that the tears wouldn't come. I couldn't cry here, not in front of these guys.

I suddenly felt two hands slowly massaging my back. One of them began to creep towards my neck, rubbing as it went. I felt the tension in my muscles ease, and I turned back to see Kamu's hands on my shoulders.

"You know Yamato, we're all here for a reason. We understand," he whispered. I saw the others in the room nod in agreement. I tried my best to smile.

"Would, perhaps you'd like to share with us about…" Karen said quietly.

I gulped and looked around the room. No one looked bored; they all sat listening, intent on hearing what I had to say. I bobbed my head and began speaking.

"My best friend since fifth grade rejected me. He hurt me both physically and mentally when…when I told him how I felt," I closed my eyes tearfully. "I was so upset that I chugged a whole bottle of Advil that night. If it hadn't been for his sister, well, I'd be…dead. I was taken to the hospital. And then when I awoke, he came to visit me."

I remembered the encounter. I had woken one afternoon to see him looking down at the floor. I had tried to speak to him but only a choking sound came out. I had watched as he brought his head up to stare me in the eyes before he opened his mouth to say something. It seemed that his voice caught in his throat, too.

"Yamato," he had looked away. "Yama, I'm sorry."

I had glared at him, causing him to be more nervous. "Why are you here? I thought you were, what was the phrase you used? Oh yeah, 'straight as a ruler'" I snapped viciously at him.

"Look, I came to see my friend who recently hurt himself," he yelled back.

"A friend, am I?" he nodded, eyes set directly on my face. "Well, how about we end this friendship? I don't want to ruin your rep. Now, I'm tired, please leave me to rest."

I watched him wince, but nod grimly. He stiffly stood up. I kept my eyes fixed on him until he walked to the door. He turned around, tears forming in his deep brown eyes. I faced the wall, ignoring him. I wouldn't forgive him, I couldn't.

"Hey Yamato?" I opened my eyes, slowly returning to reality. I twisted my head to look at Kamu.

"Yeah?" I looked around the room suddenly confused. Everyone had disappeared.

"The session's over. Karen saw you start spacing out and decided to move onto some one else," he smiled and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Hey Yamato, are you busy Friday?"

"Omigod," I said startled. "Did, did you just?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm kinda new at this too," he grinned from ear to ear. "So, are you?"

"I don't think so…" I couldn't help beaming back at him. "I'll make room for you if I'm not."

He leaned towards me and softly pressed his lips against my cheek. I felt a blush rising to my face as he whispered in my ear, "7:30 at the movie theatre on Hoeru Drive."

I nodded and we walked out the door to find my dad.

~§~§~§~§~

I arrived at the theatre a couple minutes early. I reached my hand up nervously to my mouth and started gnawing on my fingernails. I glanced up and down the lines of the ticket booth. I didn't see any sign of the shaggy haired youth.

I gulped. What if he had been joking with me and would never show up? I shook my head. He wouldn't do that, right? Kamuran was nicer than that; I hoped.

I felt someone tap my left shoulder and I spun around that way. I didn't see anyone. I sighed heavily and turned back to the front of the theatre. I jumped in surprise.

"Hey," I smiled as Kamu held out two tickets to a movie. I felt myself blushing after hearing his deep sexy voice. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I guess," I slowly followed him through the hall into the concession line. We walked up to the front and looked up at the lady behind the register. I looked around, hoping that no one I knew would be there. I wasn't quite ready for the whole school to know that I was gay.

"Here," Kamu handed me a large bag of popcorn. I took it and watched as he picked up two sodas. He smiled anxiously and nodded in the direction of the theatre doors.

He slowly pushed open the door and we stepped into an empty room. I smiled, glad that Kamu knew that I was a little scared about this date. We quickly shuffled over to a seat in the middle of the rows. 

I sat down and he plopped next to me. I couldn't help laughing as he grabbed the popcorn from my hands and began stuffing his face. He winked at me with his cheeks filled with the popcorn.

"Mmufff shnfff mnww," He tried to say something. 

"What?"

He swallowed. "Movies starting now."

I nodded and turned to the screen reluctantly. I watched the figures in the movie. I quickly yawned from boredom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kamu reach his arm around me. I felt his hand gently rest on my opposite shoulder. I grinned and softly lay my head against him. I closed my eyes and gently drifted asleep.

I felt him shaking me roughly. "Yama? Yamato?" I looked around sleepily. "Hey, it's time to go."

I nodded and stood up sleepily. I smiled up at him. "C'mon."

We leisurely walked out of the theatre and onto the street. I suddenly felt my hand slowly find its way to his and hold it gently. "Do you know what time it is?"

He looked down at his watch. "9:30"

"Oh, I have to get home," I turned to look at him. His smile faded, leaving a frown. I leaned forward and gently pecked his cheek. I could feel him blushing. "I'll call you tomorrow, ok?"

"Alright…" He sighed. I turned to leave when he caught my hand and slowly pulled me closer to him. I felt his head approach my face and I closed my eyes preparing for the intimacy. I could feel his soft, sweet lips press down gently on my own.

I gradually, reluctantly, pulled away. I could feel the blood pounding in my ears as I turned around to head to my house. I smiled and looked back at him.


	2. To Fear Love, Part Two

Chapter Two-Yamato's POV

I sighed explosively as I entered my apartment. I stepped into the living room and looked around for any sign of my dad or Takeru. I smiled and closed the door behind me. I threw my backpack down on the couch and walked into the kitchen. 

Grabbing the phone off of the counter, I swung open the refrigerator door. I glanced at its contents as I deftly dialed Kamu's number.

"Hello. This is the Jisuru residence. How may I help you?" said the voice on the other end of the line. 

"Hi," I replied, trying to hold in my excitement. "Is Kamu there?"

"Yamato?" I heard someone else pick up a phone.

"Hey," I said as his mother hung up her end of the line. "How was your first day of school?" 

"Oh, pretty average. Just like last year's, well almost," he spoke. I nodded my head while pulling out some ham, cheese, and lettuce. "What about yours?"

"Mine? It was…it wasn't fun," I said steadily, trying to keep my emotions under control. I jumped and grabbed the bread. I turned around to the cupboard, holding everything in one hand. I set the food down and reached to get a plate. 

"Why not?" I jumped when I remembered that I was still talking to my koibito. "Was it because of-"

"In some ways," I began making the sandwich and spoke calmly. "It was really weird. I mean, most of my friends didn't even pay attention to the fact that I'm gay, but I went through the whole day without seeing Taichi. His sister still hung out with me, as did T.K. and Koushiro."

I was interrupted by a slight beeping. "Oh, I'll be right back; call waiting."

I quickly switched over to the call. "Yamato?"

"Dad? Hey!" I said slightly surprised. "Where are you?"

"Oh, I'm still at work. I wont be home until around ten or so. Takeru is at your mom's. How was school?"

"Good," I lied. I didn't want my dad to get too worried about me. "I'm on the phone with Kamu, is that all you needed to say?"

"Yeah. Finish your homework, son."

"Yes, dad," I groaned. "I'll see you later."

"Alright," he hung up and I sighed while switching back to Kamuran.

"Hi, you there?"

"Yeah," he said happily.

"I was wondering if you don't have too much homework, maybe you could come over and have some pizza? My dad's not getting home until ten."

"Yeah, sounds great," I felt my heart skip a beat. "Should I come over now?"

I turned my head to glance at the clock. "How about you come around six? It's four-thirty now."

"Okay! See you soon," I heard the click of the phone and set it down in the receiver. I smiled and slowly bit into my sandwich.

~§~§~§~§~

I nervously glanced out the window and then back to the clock. I felt my legs lift and I began pacing the room. I nearly flew through the ceiling when the doorbell finally rang. I rushed to the door and flung it wide.

I felt myself blushing when I looked into the round hazel eyes in front of me. I smiled and stepped aside to let him in. he nodded and walked into the room. 

"Sorry I'm late," he said glancing at the grandfather clock in the entrance hall. 

"It's ok. So…ahh…what do you wanna do?" I asked him nervously.  He blushed and turned away.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" I grabbed his hand and pulled him close.

"How about we go and get the pizza and then come back here," I said pressing my lips close to the soft flesh of his ear. He nodded and gripped my hand harder.

Suddenly, I felt him dragging me out the door. "Wait I don't have the money!"

I scrambled back across the room and grabbed the bills off of the counter. I turned around to see Kamu tapping his foot in mock impatience. I laughed and rejoined him. We walked out the front door and I quickly locked it.

I felt my voice catch in my throat as the elevator doors opened. Out stepped Taichi. Kamu smiled at him, oblivious to the way he looked at me. His anger changed to surprise when he realized what Kamu was. Then I saw that they changed to something else. Contempt? Jealousy? No, it couldn't be. Tai looked away.

We took the elevator down to the ground floor and stepped out. Kamuran raced ahead and I followed him reluctantly. He stopped and turned around and me.

"C'mon Yama! I'm starving," I managed a weak smile and waved to him. He spun back around and ran on ahead. I looked behind me. There stood Taichi, staring down at me from the balcony in front of his apartment. I almost wanted to forgive him. I turned away and followed my aibou.

~§~§~§~§~§~

I gently rested my head on Kamu's shoulder. He brought his arm around me and held me close as we sat watching the movie. I flicked a glance at the clock on the VCR. I yawned. My dad wasn't getting back for at least an hour and a half. I snuggled my head deeper into Kamu.

He softly pressed his lips onto my forehead. I smiled and reached my head up to kiss his cheek. I felt his arms wrap about me and I lay down on my back. I felt him gently caressing my neck and ears with his skilled mouth and tongue. I held his head in my hands and brought it up to my own face.

Our lips meshed together and our tongues flitted in unison. I felt his hands slowly massage various parts of my body and I let a low moan escape my throat. Kamu, enjoying this torture, only kissed the harder. His hands were gradually descending downward. I groaned again as he fondled my navel. I felt myself go stiff.

Suddenly, I realized that his fingers were busily unzipping my pants. "Kamu!"

He looked up innocently, moving towards the belt buckle. "Yeah?"

I stood up furiously and began fixing my pants. "Look, I can't do this. I'm sorry."

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" He looked down at his hands. I gulped.

"How, How'd you know?" I couldn't bear the hurt in his eyes. He remained silent. "Kamu?"

"It was the way you jerked upward when I started… I'm sorry. I just assumed that you'd- that you'd had sex before," his eyes turned to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think that you'd still like me," I sat back down on the couch next to him. I cradled my head in my hands and allowed the tears to gently fall. He wrapped his arms about me and poured out my worries to him. 

"I'm so sorry. I just didn't know what you'd think of me. I mean, you're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I didn't want to ruin that," I leaned away from him and looked deep into his hazel eyes.

"It's alright, it's alright," he comforted. I sighed and stared at him. I couldn't bring myself to maintain eye contact and I stared at the ground. "I don't blame you, I'd probably do the same thing."

I felt him put his hand underneath my chin and lift my head up to face him. I could feel his face nearing my own. 

I nearly jumped out of my pants when I heard the front door swing open. "Yamato, I'm home early!"

Kamu pulled back just in time. I could see the look of disappointment on his face when my dad stepped into the room and looked at us suspiciously. 

"Hey dad!" I said, allowing Kamu to regain himself.

My dad glanced at his watch. "It's getting late and you boys have school tomorrow."

"Yeah you're probably right. I'd better head on home," I stood up with Kamu and walked him to the door. I slowly opened it and watched as he stepped out onto the landing. 

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" I said as he turned to look at me. He nodded and leaned over to gently peck my cheek. I sadly watched as he headed down the hall to the elevator. I brought my hand up to my face and rubbed my cheek where he'd kissed me. I hoped I hadn't disappointed him too much.


	3. To Fear Love, Part Three

Chapter Three

Kamuran didn't call the next day. Or the day after. In fact, he didn't call for a whole week. When he finally did, he seemed somewhat distant. We talked shortly about nothing in particular and it felt as thought I had ruined my life again. I figured that it was best not to bring up the other night.

School had started up at a normal pace again. It was easier than I'd originally thought it would be. Hardly anyone knew that I was gay, and if they did no one mentioned anything.

My dad had gone on another business trip. I missed having some one to talk to- Kamu hadn't called lately- but it wasn't all bad. For instance, I could stay up really late, even on school nights.

I sighed heavily. I had finally finished my homework and I headed into the kitchen to grab a coke. I opened the fridge and growled at the lack of soda. I took one anyway and quickly scribbled a note to get more. I headed into the living room and plopped down onto the sofa, snatching the remote.

I was flipping through the channels when I heard the shuffling of footsteps behind me. I turned around, suddenly quite nervous. My front door was wide open. I shivered, but not from the cool air blowing into my house. I stood up.

I gasped at the body lying on my floor. "Tai?"

He looked up at me. I watched as he giggled like a little kid. "Teehee, look Yamato! I can dance."

I watched in horror as the usually sane Taichi stood up and began teetering around as though his legs were made of Jell-O. He fell towards me and I automatically caught him. He looked up at me, innocence etched into his features. 

"I think I forgotted how to walk," His breath made my head reel and I almost gagged.

"Tai," I lifted him to his feet, "You're drunk."

"I have to pee, Yama," I tried to hold in my anger as I walked him to the bathroom. He stepped inside the room and I closed the door. I slowly massaged my temples. How could this have happened? Tai didn't get drunk, it just wasn't him.

I heard something strange. I pushed open the door. I saw Taichi retching in the toilet. He looked up at me, a bit of his normal self in his features. He opened his mouth to speak but instead turned back to the toilet and barfed again.

"Dammit Tai," I shook my head and ran into the kitchen to get a paper towel for him. I ran back to the bathroom. I flung open the door only to find him lying on the floor, unconscious. I groaned. 

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath. I picked him up from underneath the armpits and began dragging him across the floor into my room. I heaved him onto the bed. His lips moved silently in slumber as I began pulling off his tennis shoes.

I went back into the bathroom and picked the towels off of the ground. I wiped the vomit off his face. I threw them out in the kitchen and hurried back to my room. 

I sat down on the bed and tried to take his shirt off. No matter how hard I tugged and pulled I couldn't get it over his mass of bushy hair. I groaned and gave up. I walked to my door and slowly turned around.

I smiled sadly as I looked at the brunette's lovely features. I shook my head. I couldn't allow myself to feel this way again. Tai was straight, he'd told me himself. Plus, now I was happy, wasn't I? I mean, I had a boyfriend. I sighed and watched him turn onto his side and fall deeper into sleep.

~§~§~§~§~§~

I shuffled across the parking lot in front of my apartment. I glanced up at the windows only to find the lights still off. I wondered if Tai had woken up yet. When I'd left for school this morning, he'd still been fast asleep. I had scribbled a short note to him, trying to explain everything that had happened in a few sentences. 

I took another step towards the stairs. I stopped in my tracks when two of the school bullies stepped in front of me. I gulped and slowly backed up. I hit something hard and reluctantly spun around. There were three more behind me.

"Hi," I said quite nervously. One of them laughed while another curled his hand into a fist. 

"Look who we found. The class queer," said someone behind me. I turned around to find Akuryou, the biggest and meanest kid in our school. It was said that he had been held back for three years. "You know what, boys? Homos like him," he jerked his finger in my direction, "give us guys a bad name."

They chortled childishly and turned to me, grinning evilly. I smiled, suddenly scared, and waved at them. "Should we teach him a lesson?"

They stepped closer. I tried to duck under them, but was caught by my long hair. I screamed in agony as they lifted me and wrenched my arm up behind my back. I bit my lip, not willing the tears to come. 

They came anyways when one of them brought his fist into my jaw. My teeth sunk deep into my lip and it started to bleed freely. They let me drop to the ground and I lay there curled up. I sobbed. Why were they doing this? What had I ever done to them?

"Look at all high and mighty now," he slammed his foot into my chest and I rolled onto my back, wheezing. They laughed and I struggled to stand up. I wouldn't be beaten like this. Someone squashed my hand down into the ground. I yelled again.

"Yamato!" I heard a voice. Was it God? Had he come to tell me that my time was over? "Yama!"

I looked up. Only one person called me that, and he was running towards us right now. I tried to yell at him to stop, that this wasn't his problem, but what came out was, "Taichi? Help me?"

Akuryou stepped in front of me. He raised his fist to strike Tai as he neared me. I watched him take the blow. He wiped the blood off of his lip and brought his whole weight down on his opponent. Akuryou smiled and gestured with his head towards Tai. Every one of the other bullies began battering him helplessly. He fought back bravely, but I could tell it was in vain.

I stood up while their attention was on Tai. I smiled grimly and tapped Akuryou on the shoulder. He turned angrily around. I brought my knee up with all the force I could muster into his crotch. He grimaced and fell to the ground, writhing in pain. I couldn't help but grin as he limped away, shouting back at me. 

"Yamato, are you alright?" Taichi stood up and walked towards me. I tried to smile again, but I coughed and held my side. He leapt to me and put his long arms around my shoulders. I leaned against him as he helped me walk to the elevator. I rested as he pushed the button for the third floor.

I looked at his fine features, and the anger etched into them. "Tai, are you okay?" he turned to me and smiled a warm friendly smile. I couldn't help but grin back. Just like old times, I thought.

"I'm fine," The elevator door opened and I limped out with him. We walked along the balcony to my apartment. I pushed open the door, "I've had worse, ya know?"

I nodded and followed him inside, "Why did you…"

He stopped in mid-step and turned to me. "I know what happened last night," I was going to protest, when he interrupted again. "I didn't mean it like that. I know what you did for me when I was drunk. Thanks."

I nodded and started to walk to my room. I stopped when I realized that he was following me. "Tai?"

"Well…I was just thinking, Yama," he stepped out in front of me. "You got pretty beat up back there. Are you sure that you're alright?"

"I'm fine Tai. Thanks though," I turned around to walk into my room. I opened the wooden dresser and pulled out a new shirt. I'll have to wash this one, I thought, Dad can't see the bloodstains on it.

I shrugged out of the old shirt, trying to do so without pain. I winced when my arm accidentally brushed against a dark bruise on my chest. I set the shirts down on the bed. I stepped into the bathroom and stared into the mirror.

"I look like shit," I thought as I looked at my bruised face and bloody lip. I turned the faucet on and got my hands wet. I gently dabbed at a large cut above my eyebrow.

"You need soap," Taichi laughed at me. I glared at him and brushed past him to get dressed. I sat down and struggled to pull the shirt on without hurting myself. 

I felt the bed shift under new weight and I looked to my right. I flinched away as Tai gingerly pressed a moist soapy clothe to my forehead. I relaxed as I felt it slowly start to feel better.

"Told ya that soap would help," he joked. "Feels better, neh?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Could he have changed? Or was he just trying to make up for last night?

"Does it still hurt?" I bobbed my head again. My heart raced within my chest as he leaned forward. I closed my eyes as his soft, sweet lips pressed into the wound. He stepped back and slowly stood up. I wanted to leap forward and embrace him when he smiled down at me. "Now?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him that my pain had gone, both mentally and physically. I looked away. He hadn't meant that anymore than in friendship.

"What's wrong?" he asked sullenly, sitting down on the bed next to me. "Yamato?"

"Why'd you do that?" I said, in a whisper that was barely audible. I didn't think he heard me, so I was going to repeat myself when he spoke.

"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to do," he spoke slightly, shaking. "Yamato, I don't know what's going on. But when I saw you with you're boyfriend last week. I felt all weird inside."

"What do you mean?"

"It was like it was when you were dating Sora, and I wanted to be with her," He bit his lip to try to hold back his tears. In all the years I had known him, I had never seen him break down this easily. 

I did the only thing I could think to do and I wrapped my arms about his tall frame. We sat there on my bed as I rocked him, murmuring slight answers to his worries. 

"I'm sorry, Yama," I felt his wet cheek press against the soft flesh of my chest. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you last year. I know that I should have shown more respect for something like that; it's completely out of your control. Over the summer I kept wondering if you'd ever forgive me. I'd walk to the door of your apartment, but then I'd angrily storm away. I missed the best friend I'd ever had. Can you forgive me?"

I felt the tears pour down my own cheeks. I couldn't believe this. How long had I waited to hear those exact words? He wanted to be my friend again. I gently pressed my lips into his forehead, "Of course."

His brown eyes turned up to look at me. I could see through the puffiness and sorrow, the glint of a smile. I saw him reach up to me and gently kiss my cheek. I could feel a blush slowly rising to my cheeks.

"Yamato? I think I love you," I could tell from the way he said it that he expected me to leap away in revulsion. I almost did jump up, but I quickly controlled that feeling. I felt his hand rest on my cheek as he brought his face nearer to mine. I melted into that kiss, giving it everything I could.

I felt him run his tongue gently along my lower lip. I broke away, this was wrong. Taichi wasn't queer. I just couldn't believe that. 

"Yama?" I looked at him.

"Tai, you don't want to love me," he looked puzzled and sat up. I explained, "When I told you last year that I loved you I meant it. I don't know if I still do. You hated me for it last year and I don't want that to happen again."

I saw him stare down at the floor. "I'm sorry. I was confused last year, too. I knew that you meant it, and that scared me. I was scared that I might feel that way, also. I was scared to love you."

"To fear love is to fear life," I muttered. Tai looked up immediately. I shook my head and smiled sadly. "It's just a quote I heard somewhere. To fear love is to fear life; and those who fear life are already three-parts dead."

He smiled, "Exactly."

I stared deep into his brown eyes and felt some of what I'd felt two months ago stirring deep within my blood. "Are you still scared?"

"I'm scared that you might reject me, because you've found love with someone else. But no, I'm not scared to be in love with you," he paused. "Are you?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out and I glanced away. "I'm scared that you won't mean it. I'm scared that you'll tell everyone what a jackass I am for believing you. So yes, I suppose I am scared to love you."

I gently reached my hand up to brush away a tear. Tai deftly caught it and held it gently. I turned my head to him as he brought his other hand up to wipe the salty fluid away. 

With my hand in his, he neared my face and whispered, "Do you?"

I made my gaze level with his and stared at the beautiful face only inches from my own. "Yes. Yes, I think I do," I replied smiling. This time it was me who gently kissed him. 

I could tell he was inwardly smiling. He brushed his fingers lightly against my cheek and brought his other hand to run through my blonde hair. The kiss deepened as I felt him slide his tongue into my mouth. He's good, I thought, while he touched the parts of my mouth with his tongue. 

I needed breath, so did Tai. I tried to break away, but instead Tai held my head close to his and lowered his mouth to kiss my neck. I gasped with pleasure. Taichi chuckled and gently bit my ear. I smiled and followed suit.

Suddenly, he pushed me down onto my back. I immediately became nervous. What if he didn't like the fact that I was still a virgin? I was almost eighteen. I relaxed quickly as I felt him lightly trail his fingers over my pale skin. My pulse raced as Tai traced the line of my chest. I saw him bring his mouth down towards me and I breathed in heavily as he licked my nipple.

My muscles grew tense and I longed for more. I pushed my self up on my elbows when Tai stopped. He was kneeling on the bed beside me, staring at the bruise on my chest.

"Yamato, I don't wanna hurt you more," he sighed, looking quite dejected. I sat up.

"You won't, I promise," he looked at me, searching for something in my eyes, it seemed. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it as my lips pressed against his. "Tai trust me. I know I'm not as tough as you, but I'm pretty strong."

I felt him breathe gently on my neck and it sent a shudder of pleasure down my back. I grinned and ran my fingers through his hair. I breathed in the scent of him. 

I watched as he leaned away and pulled of his shirt. I laughed as he struggled to bring it over his hair. I got up on my knees and helped him with it. When we finally pulled it off, he accidentally toppled over, and me with him. I felt him laughing as he lay slightly on top of me.

I felt my heart beat loudly when I felt his hands again travel over my body. He slowly caressed the skin just below my navel and I closed my eyes. I opened them to see Taichi grinning at the slight bulge in my pants. I started to protest as he agilely began unzipping my pants.

He brought his head up to silence me. I kissed him back, wanting more of him. He broke away and I glanced down. I watched him pull my pants down my legs. I stared in horror as he started unbuckling his own pants. 

"Tai?" he flicked a glance at me and continued undressing. "I need to tell you something." He nodded. "It's important."

He sat down on the bed next to me. I sighed and stared straight at the brunette. He smiled.

"You won't believe this-"

"I'll always believe you, Yama-chan," he spoke, putting his arm on my shoulder.

I nodded slightly and continued. "But, you see, Tai. I'm-I'm still a virgin."

He stared at me, taken aback. "That makes no sense. I mean, you're one of the hottest guys I know," I blushed, but Tai didn't notice. He just stared at the floor, thinking. "I would've thought that you'd at least fucked Kamu…"

"No, we almost did. But he seemed angry when he found out. Are you angry?" he looked up at me and smiled.

"No, this just makes things even better," he smiled and hurriedly pulled his pants off.

"What do you mean?" I asked quizzically. He brought his finger to my lip, silencing me. He reached his hand toward my crotch and I felt myself tense. He brushed his fingers lightly against my palm and I relaxed a little.

I felt him rub gently on it. I gasped with pleasure. Tai responded by pressing a little harder. I closed my eyes blissfully. I almost didn't know what was happening until I sensed the air on my dick. My eyes shot open.

Taichi was laughing. I tried to smile, but I was worried. Worried that I might not be able please him. I felt Tai gently run a finger over my erect member. He set down another and moved them up and down. Eventually his whole hand was speeding up and down. I felt myself coming nearer and nearer to the edge, but it never came. 

Tai slowly stopped. I opened my eyes and glanced at the puzzlement in his. I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. I sighed and sat up. This was hopeless.

Suddenly, he stood up and flung off his boxers. I stared at the stiff organ. I couldn't believe what was happening. I watched him crawl over onto the bed next to me. He gently pushed me over onto my stomach and up on my knees.

"Yama?" I turned my head around to look at him. He was staring at my ass. "Don't worry."

I was puzzled and turned back around to the head of the bed. I felt his hands on the sides of my butt and he placed the tip of his penis against my anus. I realized what he was planning a second to late. I winced and snarled in pain.

"Shit," I heard him say. I looked back and gave him a look to say "What the hell?" He smiled apologetically.

I glared at him. Dammit, I thought. This hurts. I grimaced as he slowly began moving back in forth. Slowly at first, then the thrusts grew harder and faster. I felt my vision blur with tears of pleasure. I felt my mind slipping. All I could think about was the joy I felt each time Tai threw himself into me. 

My mind went blank as I felt myself releasing. At the same moment Taichi came. We collapsed onto the bed and he lay next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist. He pressed his lips onto my blonde hair and I smiled. I snuggled in closer as Tai began stroking my hair.

"I love you, Yama-chan," I heard him whisper to me. I hugged him tightly and drifted into sleep.


End file.
